Tardy for the Party

So.  Sometimes you find a super awesome gift that can only be ordered online.  And you know someone special with a birthday say, oh, TODAY and the gift hasn't shipped.  I know, I know.  Just breathe kids, breathe.  I mean it would be so EASY to go into panic mode at the thought of showing up empty handed.  So what do you do?  WHAT DO YOU DO?!?!

SHOOT THE HOSTAGE!!

(Wait.  Sorry.  Remember Keanu Reeves prior to The Matrix?  The Horrible The Day the Earth Stood Still?  Yeah I agree.  His range is rather, um, limited.  But Speed!!  Post Bill and Ted, pre-obscurity.  Sorry for the tangent.)

You sooooo don't have to show up empty handed.  Just grab some ribbon, a needle, thread, and a night of insomnia and you are golden.  Behold!

Ribbon flowers!  Perfection!  No allergic reactions!  You never have to throw them out!  You are certain that the special person whose gift is MIA is secure in his masculinity and will appreciate the artistry.  And that his friends will Shut.  It.

P.S.  Happy Birthday, Charlie.

The Ottoman Project: The. End.

Oh, hi there.

Firstly let me just say that Charlie was not the only one to declare the ottoman not up to heel softness standards.  So sorry, Charlie.  Must have been because I had slippers on.  (Can you tell I'm rolling my eyes?  Cause I am.)

I upholstered the ottoman with it on the coffee table.  This was a pain, but my only choice since it takes two people to put it back on the coffee table without disturbing the protective blanket.  Also I am impatient.  Yeah I said it.  The not cushy enough dilemma was solved with two cheap body pillows from Walmart.
 

Tamp em down with a sheet:

Aaaaand add the upholstery fabric!

Heel test you ask?  Check!

Voila!  Project Turning the Coffee Table into an Ottoman is complete.  It has been pronounced a total success by all.  Even my brother who refused to take off his shoes (no shod feet on the ottoman!) but did test it with his head.  Don't ask.  Dad approved as well...though we won't talk about the amount of holes in his socks.

Next up, Project Petticoat!  I may need a ruffle intervention.

The Ottoman Project, continued

I have to first start this post with....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!!!  Love you!

Mom and I are very similar in a lot of ways, including coming up with things we want to try and often times just jumping right into it instead of finding info somewhere else.  Also we both think that we should automatically be awesome at something the first time we try it.  No wonder we're both medicated.

Previously the cover to protect the coffee table was found.  Today I'm going to talk about construction.  Oh yeah.

Here are the materials I used:
Two 2' x 4'  MDF boards
Gorilla glue
Nails and screws
A bunch of padding
Both an expert and a moron at the Home Depot

First I'd like to say that I think everyone at my local Home Depot takes happy pills.  Seriously.  So happy.  So helpful.  Before I left the house I measured the length and width of the coffee table THREE TIMES.  I also researched different materials to use as the base but really I wanted the input of a professional to figure out what material to use.

Enter Dale.

I wish I had a picture of Dale.  He could be a stand in for ZZ Top.  I explained my project and he suggested the MDF board because it's strong enough to hold up to anyone sitting on the ottoman.  I was stupefied.  WHO WOULD SIT ON MY COFFEE TABLE?!?!  Dale then reminded me.  Ottoman.  Touche.

This is the part Ben will love.  The following conversation took place:

Me:  I have measurements
Dale:  (rolling eyes)  Women always come in with measurements.  Too bad they're mostly wrong.
Me:  *very cold stare*
Dale:  Then they come back and blame me and....
Me (interrupting, of course)  Hey Dale, my measurements are correct.  Seriously.  My dad was a carpenter and in our house?  It was measure three times, cut once.  So not only did I know how to hang drywall as a kid?  I know how to take measurements.  Also?  You're the one doing the cutting.  So did you ever think that you're the one making the mistakes?
Dale:  Well...we'll just see

Yeah, Dale did the cutting and guess what?  HE ALMOST MESSED UP.  Neener, neener, Dale!  I had to remind him of a few measurements.  Take that, ZZ Top wannabe!  Actually Dale was pretty cool.  The manager who gave me the wrong size of screws was a plebeian.

When I got home I started right away.

Gorilla Glue, you are my friend.  Once it set for a bit I moved it to the floor.  This thing?  Awkward to move.

The screws the manager gave me were huge.  They were splitting the MDF.  Luckily I had some smaller ones, plus some nails that worked.  I did a trial fit and it slid on perfectly.  Go me!

Next I started padding the topper.  I used two mattress pads, a blanket, and various other material I had around the house.  (The mattress pads were new, people.  Used would have been way gross.)  Also I used a staple gun to keep everything in place.

Pictures are deceptive.  This took FOREVER but finally, FINALLY it was time for the heel test.

As if you couldn't tell, those aren't my feet.  Charlie's delicate feet declared that it wasn't comfortable enough for his dainty heels.  ARGH!!  Fine.  Next time I'll tell you all about the finishing and meeting the high demands of Charlie's feet.  Then we'll move on to....ruffles!  Squeeeeee!

Project One: Turning A Coffee Table into an Ottoman

Alright, first thing I want to say is FIRST OF ALL, CHAMBERS, THE COFFEE TABLE IS OKAY.

(Not that the above statement even comes close to getting phone calls from your firefighter best friend that start out, "first of all, I'm okay."  Yeah, when he says that?  I automatically go into panic mode.  Oh, you caught on fire today?  Yawn.  Also that was a very lame payback.)

Recently I acquired a couch.  Before that I had the comfy sack, which is this awesomely huge beanbag type thing.  It's filled with pieces of memory foam and induces narcolepsy.  Not kidding.  I know many that can attest to it.  (For those of you crying because you think I got rid of the comfy sack, don't worry.  I still have it and you can come over any time and pass out on it.)

The couch is awesome.  Love reading on it.  Nice for watching movies.  The only problem is there isn't a place to rest your feet except on the couch.  Who wants to do that on a NEW piece of furniture?!?  Plus putting your feet on the coffee table just isn't that comfortable.  So I went looking for some kind of ottoman or footstool or something to serve the purpose.  I discovered two things:  1) holy poop, they are expensive and 2) um, what to do with the coffee table?

By the way, here is the coffee table:

Look at that beautiful, pristine piece of furniture.  Chambers bought this for...me...for a....specific occasion seven years ago.
Alright, I can't lie.  This is how the coffee table USUALLY looks:

 Yes, usually it's cluttered with books.  My laptop.  Yarn.  And multiple bottles/cans of whatever I've grabbed to drink.  For those of you who know me you can attest to my habit of grabbing a bottle of water, leaving it somewhere, and then grabbing another when I'm thirsty and near the fridge.  Oh, did I mention I leave the half empty bottle wherever I left it?  Yeah, bad habit.

Getting back to the Ottoman thing.  I did some research and most of the DIY info I found had people DRILLING HOLES into a cheap coffee table they picked up at a garage sale.  There was no way I was drilling holes in this coffee table.  Also why buy another one?  Totally goes against point two above.  So I got to thinking and decided to try building a cover for the top of the coffee table.   I KNOW.  BRILLIANT.

First thing though was finding something to protect the coffee table from getting scratched by the topper.  Enter the linen closet.

Alright, before you call Hoarders to put me on the show let me just say that the closet holds many years of sheets, blankets, and curtains in various sizes.  I've moved a lot and the window sizes are never the same in two places.

Keeping in the cheap theme I found a blanket to use to protect the coffee table.

Hello good old fleece blanket!  I folded it double and made sure that it hung over each edge of the table.  Thus I was satisfied that no furniture would be harmed in the conversion of coffee table to Ottoman.

That's all for today, kids.  I know you could just pee yourself with excitement.  Stay tuned for a trip to Home Depot and the perils of Gorilla Glue!

Chic on the Cheap Background

Hi, my name is Sabrina.  Here's a little bit about me and the purpose of this blog.

• Last year sucked
• This year is better
• I have MS
• I'm currently in the excruciatingly slow process of applying for disability
• Currently I am unemployed
• Oh, also in 33 days my divorce will be finalized (holla!)
• I have very little money
• I have A LOT of ideas
• Many of these ideas are loony, but I still want to try them anyway

There are many times I get really, really excited about a project.  REALLY excited.  So I start it with a lot of enthusiasm.  Then I get to a point where I hit a snag and can't figure something out.  Enthusiasm lessens.  I spend less and less time on the project and then finally I give up on it.  It gets tossed to the wayside and forgotten.

Right now though I have time on my hands.  That's an understatement.  I have A.  LOT.  OF.  TIME.  ON.  MY.  HANDS.  Time I'm not used to having.  Time with which I haven't been very productive.  So I figured what better time to follow through on crazy ideas?

So starting tomorrow I'll be blogging about the projects I undertake.  And I promise to post them if they're successful or not.  That's a hard promise to make because I don't like to admit failure, but some of these ideas are so zany it will be fun to admit that they are epic failures.  Now that doesn't mean that I'm going to, say, go back in time and share the story of the time I was trying to perfect the Audrey Hepburn makeup look and ended up with eyebrows like a Vulcan.  But success or failure I do by swear to fully disclose the outcome.  Or...something to that effect.